


Drink The Poison (Before It Destroys Us)

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Past Child Abuse, dave has a breskdown at three am on the bathroom floor, nice, nice job dave
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-23
Updated: 2015-08-23
Packaged: 2018-04-16 18:43:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4636125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The biggest smiles hide the worst pain, don't they?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drink The Poison (Before It Destroys Us)

**Author's Note:**

> what's that? it's two am? why, you are correct

Your name is John Egbert, and your best friend is the happiest person alive. He seems like it anyway, with his ever present smirk and his willingness to do pretty much anything your friends suggest. He never complains, never says anything that might spoil the fun, never gives you any reason to think he’s anything other than tap dancing the shit out of life.

You find him crying in the bathroom at three am.

He’s just sitting there, curled up against the tub, face buried in his arms on his folded up knees as he sobs. You stare at him for quite a while, shocked, before you move forward and reach slowly for his shoulder, his name falling softly from your lips.

He jolts away from you with a gasp, scrambling until his back hits the far wall. You’re left standing at opposite ends of the bathroom, staring at each other. “Dave…?”

“I – I’m fine.”

You take a small step forward, stopping when he flinches. Carefully, you lower yourself down to your knees so you’re at his level. “Dave you’re crying…”

He furiously wipes at his eyes and you notice for the first time that he’s not wearing his shades. His eyes are shining with tears. “I’m not crying,” he protests. “Strider’s don’t cry. I’m not sad.”

You scoot toward him, smiling a little when he doesn’t flinch away again. “Talk me, bro, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong!” he insists, turning his head away and wiping at his eyes again. “Nothing’s wrong, Egbert, I’m fine, I ain’t sad so… go back to bed.”

You listen to him.

* * *

 

You expect him to act differently in the morning, be a little sad, maybe more tired than usual. But he shuffles out of his room around noon, fist bumps you as he passes, and asks if you guys have any plans for today as he fiddles with the coffee maker.

You stir your own lukewarm coffee. “Jade and Rose might be doing something. I was just gonna stay in.”

He nods and leans against the counter as his coffee brews. “Sounds like a plan, my man. I’m up for a movie day.” He grabs a mug and points it at you. “And it’s my turn to choose, so no Nic Cage. We’re going all Disney today.”

“You know technically, National Treasure is a Disney movie – ”

“No Nic Cage!”

* * *

 

When he’s all settled on the couch, tucked into his blanket, a bowl of popcorn in his lap, lights off and the menu screen for High School Musical up, you pounce.

“Hey… Dave?”

He turns to look at you and grunts a little.

“I know you don’t, um, look, about last night…” His jaw immediately tenses and his eyes shift around behind his shades. “Did something… Did something happen? Why were you…?” Okay, maybe you don’t pounce so much as trip and stumble.

“I wasn’t sad,” he says immediately. He keeps saying that.

“Sad isn’t really the word I’d use, no.”

“I’m fine, man, really, don’t worry about it.”

You’re not really frustrated, just curious. The more he denies it the more you want to know. “Dave,” you say softly. He must register the seriousness in your voice, because he focuses on you and closes his mouth mid protest. “You know you can tell me anything. Something’s bothering you, I want to help.”

He visibly deflates a small amount. “Striders don’t get sad,” he mumbles. “They don’t get anything. _Feel_  anything. Bro didn’t allow it.”

You furrow your eyebrows a bit in confusion. “Didn’t allow it?”

Dave sniffs quietly, adjusts his shades. “Yeah man. No emotions. Apparently I learn best by uh, negative reinforcement.”

This is not the direction you expected the conversation to take. You don’t like where it’s headed. “What did he do to you?” you ask in a voice so soft it’s nearly a whisper. “Dave…”

“Don’t go feeling bad for me. I don’t want your pity,” he spits. He turns his head away and sniffles again and you finally realize he’s crying.

“Dave…”

He takes a deep breath in through his nose and mumbles his favorite phrase of the last twelve hours. “I’m not sad.”

“Did he only hurt you when you were sad? Or the most? I can’t believe he would do this to you man I’ve met Bro and he always seemed – ”

“Stop,” he says harshly. “Stop, don’t say he seemed nice, I hate when they do that. It’s always all – ” He makes his voice deep and keeps talking. “ – ‘Oh man your bro is the best,’ this, and 'Wow he’s such a great guy,’ that.” He angrily wipes at his eyes under his shades. “Well he’s not such a fuckin’ great guy when I fuck up and then he fucks me up!”

You stare silently as Dave quickly collects himself. He tajes a few deep breaths and wipes his eyes and lifts his chin. “Let’s just watch this fuckin movie.”


End file.
